Twinge

If you could do anything you want tomorrow, what would it be?
Submitted by Becca-Pink.

I'm boring today.  I'd go swimming at a beach.  But not one of the beaches around here - I want clean sand and clear water.

I can't decide if this is good or bad news.  I had my follow-up appointment this morning, and it turns out absolutely nothing was wrong (that they could find).  Structurally and chromosomally, everything hunkey dory.  So then what the hell happened?  And how can I make sure it doesn't happen again?

And it was a girl.

What does blogging do for you?
Submitted by Madeleine Rose.

Blogging has saved many a tree.  I have a horrible habit of buying journals, using them for a while, and then burying them in a drawer because I can't stand to read what I've written before.

Now I just change platforms.

I made it very well through my first day of looking forward.  No tears, and only slight fear when Mr Twinge wanted sex (the OB said it was OK with condoms, but I'm still afraid of infection because I can't keep my fingers from typing bad, bad searches into Google, who then takes absolute glee in pointing me to every possible horror story about what has gone wrong post D&C).  I was actually very, very happy.  I didn't do my usual day-one diet cheating, either.  (This time, I'm not changing what I eat so much as how much of it.)

Except when on the way home from the gym (one hour of cardio - go me!), I saw beautiful avocados at the vegetable stand near my apartment.  Guacamole.  Lots of it.  But at least the fat is the good kind of fat.  And it has lots of other healthy stuff - tomatoes, lemon, onion... and we ate it with flour tortillas (can't find corn here *anywhere*) instead of chips.

I think I'm going to have it again for dinner tonight - perhaps this time with some grilled chicken and then I can claim protein intake, too.  It's all about fooling myself.  Just like stolen french fries have no calories.  And the 2.5 lbs I've  "lost" in 3 days isn't just water.

But, good girl that I was, I didn't haul out the leftover margaritas.  I'll save that for the weekend.

Out of anyone in your address book, with whom would you most like to have lunch today?

What a gimme.

That's easy.  My best friend who happens to live about 5000 miles away.  Oh, I miss our lunches.  And our dinners.  And desserts.  And after-dinner drinks.  Brunch was in there a lot too.

I let myself do whatever I wanted this past week.  Beer followed by margaritas?  Sure.  Another slice of pizza?  Yes, please.  Lots of tapas involving bacon in various forms?  But of course.

And last night, the tapas/sangria/gin and tonic with the girls night, I finally felt kind of normal again.  I was able to talk about what happened without crying, and I could then leave that topic and not think about it again until I got home.  Yes, the liter of sangria (shared) and two gin & tonics (get your grubby paws off my booze) were probably equally responsible, but that's fine with me.

Today is the start of looking forward.  As of this morning, I'm on a weight loss plan (to lose those stupid 7 pounds I gained through the IVF and pregnancy) which consists of eating smaller portions of my normal fare, adding a few more vegetables to the mix, and going to the gym.

Ah, the gym.  I haven't been there in three long months.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a rather slothful person, but over the past few years I have really come to love going to the gym.  After an hour on the elliptical machine at a medium pace, I sink into the fluffy joy of my bed and sleep the whole night through.  I haven't done that in three long months, either.

And I had a telephone appointment with Dr Mayor this morning.  He'll OK our next try as soon as my hCG gets back to zero.  It was at 1247 yesterday.  Two to four weeks. 

What are five things that make you unique?
Submitted by RA<3TA.

This is a hard question.  I'm undoubtedly quirky, but I don't think I'm the only one in the world with these oddities.

1. I don't like much fruit, but I do like every vegetable.  Raisins and pears are two of the most disgusting foods out there.
2. I have never, nor will I ever, like to be barefooted.  Walking in grass gives me the willies.  Concrete, wood, or sand are acceptable if I must be barefooted.  My mother is always compelled to tell stories about my reaction to grass as a baby.
3. I have a freakishly long torso (the anesthesiologist even commented on it this morning).  My sister is 5'5" or so, and we wear exactly the same size pants and the cuffs wear in exactly the same spot.  I'm 5'9".
4. I have eaten many exotic things (I feel I must try at least a tiny bite once), but I will never eat rabbit.  And if I ever make it to Peru, I'll add guinea pig to the list.
5. My favorite foreign word is "Dudelsack" - pronounced "Doodlezack".  It's German for bagpipes.

I had my D&C today.  All in all, not bad.  Except that I took a taxi home because Mr. Twinge was going to miss his flight to Vienna and wasn't able to drive me home.  Stupid business trip.

So.  I decided to lay in bed, surf the web, and watch crap TV. 

#1 Email in my inbox (from a college friend - haven't heard from her in well over a year):
Dear Friends,

What's your favorite type of donut?
Submitted by tomatshonino.

I'm quite bizarre in that I don't care for donuts very much.  I like the cake kind, plain or cinnamon, if they come from the Farmer's Market a few blocks from my parents' house.  There's a line around the block for these things.

I cancelled our dinner guests on Friday night.  I thought I'd want distraction, but it turned out that I just had no energy left in me and knew I wouldn't be able to put on a happy face, let alone properly operate the oven.

But I'd planned a charity thing months ago for today and couldn't cancel at the last minute.  It's for post-operative breast cancer patients.  I have to say that all of the preparations that I had to do yesterday and this morning were a very welcome distraction.

What really struck me this afternoon was hearing about the illness and treatment from someone fighting for her life.  My problems are sad, sure.  I'm going to do a lot more crying and feeling sorry for myself tomorrow after the D&C.  But now I have perspective - I will get through this, healthy and with a very good chance at success the next go round (or two).  Frauke may not.