16 posts tagged “miscarriage”

Oh come on already!  I've put another Facebooker on 'hide' because she's announced her pregnancy with a big happy sonogram as her profile photo.  This week's tally for hitting the 'hide' button due to baby blabber?  Five.

This latest one pisses me off a bit more than the others because she's so young and flaky.  She's actually a friend of some friends and I met her for the first time when she came to our house for the orphan's New Year's Eve party (orphans being expats with nowhere else to go).  She smoked up before she arrived - I thought she was just unfriendly.  Turns out she's a quiet stoner.  (Why would you smoke up before showing up at a stranger's house?  Odd and rather anti-social is what I'm saying...)

Another young 'un is also in the throes of morning sickness - 22, married to a guy nearly two decades older who she met while playing video games online.  They courted through the game before she came over to schnitzel-land to meet him in person.  It's kind of a sweet story if you can ignore the creepy things he's said to her.  (She's also in one of my expat groups.)

#3 was nearly devastated that it took them 6 whole months to conceive.  Of course, she hadn't charted or done anything like that, so I think 6 months is rather reasonable.  She doesn't want to hear that though, so I won't say it.  She will be hearing the smack of my head against a very immobile wall if she doesn't cut out the whining about it... you're pregnant and so obviously not infertile, so SHUT THE F UP ABOUT ALMOST BEING INFERTILE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT.  Whew.

#4 has kids that are nearly out of the house.  "Whoops" doesn't even start to cover it.  She's happy and sad all at the same time.  I can completely understand why she feels the way she does, but I'm also not in a position to hear from someone who isn't overjoyed to be pregnant.

#5 is someone I know only online and who has gone through more than double the number of miscarriages I have.  I am so happy for her, I really am, but I can't read literally 20 updates a day from her on the subject.  Oooh - you hiccuped again?!  Can that be a sign that your baby is a boy?  Three farts in two hours?  That means twins, right?  Eight weeks along and she bought a stroller, then posted photos of the stroller, then her buyers remorse for not getting it in blue instead of brown... at 8 weeks!  After 7 miscarriages!

Wow, am I bitter today.  And awfully judgy.  I shall wear a long black robe and carry a gavel this evening (or my bathrobe and a wooden spoon as I have neither a black robe nor a gavel). 

Hi all.  Yet another friend has given birth - Lucia Elissa was born early yesterday morning.  That makes 4(!) this month, and another friend just went to his very first Lamaze class with his wife.  Add my 2 colleagues who are due in August and September, and that's a crapload of babies.

We're going to start what will most likely be our last round of IVF soon, and I'm trying to be positive.  A couple of friends have suggested that I read The Secret, but I can't bring myself to visualize myself pregnant every day because I can only think of how crushing it will be when it all ends badly.

Sorry for the bummer post - I had to get that out.  Thanks.  And thanks so much for all of your comments - it's so nice to know I'm not alone here.  :)

Today is my due date from the second miscarriage.  I also got my period this morning from the failed IVF.  Holy crap, the cramps are bad.  And it's Monday.  I'm trying to lose the weight I gained through this whole journey, so I can't console myself with chocolate, either.

I bought a giant, complicated knitting machine yesterday.  It has more accessories and moving parts than my old Vespa.  I'm going to focus on learning to use it tonight, I think (Mr. Twinge has to work late, as usual.)

And maybe crack open some of the Swiss chocolate we brought back from Zürich last weekend.

Chalk up another point against me in 2009.  We had to put our cat Tibor to sleep over the weekend.  Poor guy's kidneys failed - there was nothing useful to be done.

Three pregnancies and one cat lost in 10 months.  Damn it.

I want a do-over.

It was a boy, and it was trisomy 16, the most common form of genetic defect.  I was ready to say that I have a hostile womb and just can't carry a baby.  Still can't rule that out, but at least that wasn't the cause this time.

Three doctors at two practices believe this is just incredibly crappy luck.  If there is a different cause each time, it's easier to believe it.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

As I thought, this third miscarriage has hit me harder than I thought.  But we're looking forward to our next shot at IVF, probably in 4-5 weeks.  It sounds like an eternity from now...

Third miscarriage.  I don't quite know what to do with myself tonight.

D&C on Friday.

We had our first ultrasound this morning, and I'm not very hopeful.  There was a heartbeat, but it was hard to find.  On the up-side, it's not small like last time.  The doctor didn't measure anything, so I have no idea where we're at.  He did pull out the sonogram from last time and you can immediately tell the difference.

But this heartbeat thing is freaking me the crap out.

I've got to stay away from Google.  Everything I've read says that there should be a strong heartbeat by now, and that a weak one nearly always means miscarriage.  A third miscarriage is going to hit me much, much harder than the other two.  Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

One more day until what I expect to be the final beta.  I'm taking progesterone supplements so maybe that's delaying stuff, but I still have no spotting.  Weird, huh?  Sweet Elvis on a cracker, I hope this won't be like the last time: everything dragged out for weeks only to come to a sucky end.

The NaBloPoMo idea seems silly to me now.  I wanted to sit and write and get everything off of my chest, but when I sit at the computer, all I can do is watch crap TV.  I've watched more TV this weekend than I have in the previous month, I think.

I have no desire to do much of anything right now except hole up and feel empty.